Fashion, Identity, and Affliction

Good evening readers!

Well. Tonight, I'm writing from a new mindset. I'm listening to George Winston's album Autumn. I want to speak to you from my heart. Because this Fashion Journey of mine is turning a little corner, and sparking a new breath of ease, clarity, and enlightenment.

Yesterday, I was just casually listening to a Buddhist monk's Q&A Teachings (this one was in Korean...) and it taught me about how Affliction arises out of Greed. I didn't know at first, but suddenly something clicked in my mind, and it occurred to me that this Fashion Circus I'm engaging in, was in part driven by, yes, let's call it what it really is, my 'Greed.'

It's as if 'Clothing' had become something much much more than what it really ought to be. My boyfriend doesn't even require me to wear any makeup, and yet, there is this Terrible Hunger that I don't understand that has me by a Leash. And I've been Prey to its greedy howls, for as long as I can remember.

I don't even recollect exactly when 'looking good' became so consumingly mind-numbingly important to me. Perhaps around the age of 16 or so? And then, very much so at 17 and 18, 19, and crazily so in my 20s. Yeah. I've been that. I've been there. There was a time in my life when acquiring a bag I couldn't quite afford and being seen with it meant heck of a lot more than having enough for lunch money.

Fashion became an expensive hobby for me, a sick cycle of confusion, feeling lost, and a gambling kind of game. Addiction cycle, The Urge, ever important and ravenous, driving me from department store to department store. My magpie instinct, feeding on the frenzy, thrills of becoming one with the 'Status Symbols' some kind of an urban ritual, quite a communal one too, in that this phenomena happened with numerous other girls my age too.

Now, as my blog is entitled, I began this fashion journey a few years back... inspired mostly by Carol Tuttle's Dressing Your Truth system. I was lucky to meet a group of ladies who were also very learned and thirsty for knowledge and discovery. About fashion, about pysychology, about optics and behavior of color and light, inquisitive about diverse beastly beauty systems, and a bit of philosophy and healing too.

Well. As far as my Journey is concerned, I feel like this thing I've been searching for and yearning for, in fashion and personal style, may only be found now in a different discipline and methodology. Dressing My Truth. Well. What is My Truth? How does one fully embrace it?

I think, all along, it was actually a more fundamental and existential question, at least for me, I'm beginning to reflect on this now, from a slightly altered plane of view.

How does one go about fully knowing and experiencing and relating to their True Self? I've been taught a lot of shit and a handful of good, in this lifetime. But there are still these gaping holes. I feel truly blessed though, as I feel that I have found a Teacher to lead me to the Source of my Query.

Grateful to synchronicity and my Dad for recommending both Monk Bob-Ryoon, and Monk Hwan-San, both accessible to us on YouTube channels. Former teaches in Korean language, while the latter speaks perfect English.

Here are the videos, guiding me this calm, beautiful night.
Thanks for reading.

Stay tuned!

Namaste xoxo

Jessica

Monk Hwan-San [English]

Monk Bob-Ryoon [Korean]